When Adoption Isn’t An Option
Written By: Beth Perez
December 1, 2017
We all want adoption to be an option when it comes to children without families, because children have the right to a family. I have had the opportunity to work inside the foster care system in the U.S. and now with international adoption in Latin America; and it never fails to completely wreck me when I hear how long a child has been in the “the system” with no family, no permanency, no advocacy.
Currently, I am living in Colombia and working to help advocate for children in Latin American orphanages and foster homes. We love to celebrate those moments when families travel all the way here to meet their children and become a family together! But what about the other children? What about those stuck under protection without the right paperwork to be adopted? What about those who have bigger medical or behavioral needs? What about larger sibling groups, or children who are just much older? The likelihood that children within these demographics will be adopted is slim. Many people are astounded when I share with them how many children in the U.S. and in Latin America are just in limbo, living life in a foster home (or several) or in an orphanage, without a family or even a path to a family. As these children get older, their case workers begin encouraging them to begin making “life plans” for what they want to do when they “age out.” But the sad reality is that most children will receive very little help or assistance in this planning and when they “age out” they will be turned loose to fend for themselves. This is when I see many of our older children in the system, especially here in Latin America, begin running away or trying to return to biological families. They begin losing hope.
One privilege I have living here in Colombia now is to really meet the children, learn their stories, hear their dreams. They are not statistics or political agendas – they are children, with feelings and intellect. One big question at our ministry is how can we love and serve ALL the children, not just those on a path to be adopted. Yes, we want to relieve an immediate need and help seek permanency for these children who can be adopted – and we celebrate this! However, we cannot turn a blind eye to the other children in the system who cannot or will not be adopted for various reasons. There are many wonderful organizations, ministries, and efforts to help the children as they transition out of government care, but sadly there are not enough. Here, I know of two or three organizations that seek to help the children aging out to integrate into society in the healthiest way possible. These organizations fight to help the children transition into adulthood with support, guidance, and assistance along the way. But this does not come without challenges, since many of the children have not learned these things as they grew up without a family to love them and guide them. Some governments also have in place transition plans to assist children who qualify. However, I would propose that we need more to help these children who cannot be adopted. These children DESERVE more from us.
There are 4 girls in my mind right now that are working hard to transition well. I go to church with them, and one actually is employed by us at this time. They are intelligent, fierce young women who are overcoming everything they have coming at them. For example, Julieth is a beautiful girl, studying to become a business professional and working to help other children be adopted (even though she never was). She has walked through various trials and had to learn to forgive so many people who have hurt her along the way. She has had to accept the fact that she has no family, and she has had to create her own family through her community and friends. Julieth is in inspiration to me and stands out in my mind as an encouragement to not forget about the thousands of Julieth’s out there in the world.
But Julieth’s life is very different than many others in her situation. She received counseling, support, and community. It is estimated that 10,000 childrenage out of the system around the world every day. That’s 10,000 Julieth’s. The statistics of what happens to the Julieth’s of the world after they age out are terrifying. It includes suicide, depression, drugs, abusive relationships, alcohol abuse, and human trafficking.
So what can we do to actually come alongside these children and love them? What can we do to help guide them into their life as adults? Total holistic orphan care is what we need to pursue and implement. Communities and governments have to speak out for these children and implement policies that will work in the best interest of all the Julieth’s of the world.
To learn more about programs for children like Julieth and the hundreds of thousands like her, we encourage you to become involved with one of the following organizations.
CAFO Aging Out Initiative